


i'm gonna give all my secrets away

by mechanicalOdyssey



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Femslash February Trope Bingo, Secret Relationship, im not SUPER happy with this but oh well its something, ok, prompt, wish i couldve gone somewhere w this its kinda ugh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1234825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechanicalOdyssey/pseuds/mechanicalOdyssey





	i'm gonna give all my secrets away

Your body slots against hers perfectly and you curl together as she giggles. Jade is warm and close and happy and it just makes something in you light up.

She feels like sunshine.

 

This is such a beautiful and perfect thing you have together. It’s a pity no one can know. 

Because it’s terrifying to think of someone finding out and yet it’s also terrifying to think of never telling anyone.

 

You imagine yourself crying alone in your room after she breaks up with you and not being able to say anything about why you’re upset and then you stop because this train of thought is both hideous and self-centered.

But you are uncomfortable with the whole hidden thing. You just want to kiss her and buy her cute things and feel calm. Feel safe.

This just makes your normal insecurities about Jade ( _Am I too clingy? Am I too detached? Was that not a good thing to say? Am I doing enough? Am I being too forward? Should I stop bothering her? Should I be talking to her more?_ ) even worse.

 

You sigh quietly into Jade’s neck (even though she is buff and taller and you are thin and shorter, she is still the little spoon. It is adorable) and she makes a noise of confusion.

“Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“What is it? You did a… thing. A sigh.” She yawns a little, blinking.

(Oh my god, Jade is fucking adorable.)

(And if you're half as adorable as she thinks you are, the two of you will explode the universe.)

She turns around to face you now, her green eyes bright and curious against her warm brown face and bushy poof of mussed hair.

It just suddenly feels like everything about the whole hidden-ness punches you in the gut and you crumple and then your faces crumples into the opposite directions of a yawn.

“Is something wrong?” she asks, her face creasing gently with worry.

Jade is the most cheery person you know. It is almost ridiculous. So you know she’s not seriously down about it but she is definitely concerned.

 

“I just don’t like the secrecy.”

She raises her eyebrows, with a smirk –it’s a bit more like a goofy smile on her round face- strengthened by relief.

“Really? You don’t like secrecy? Oh, wow, that is TOTALLY something SO TRUE about you, Rose. You are the most transparent and easy-to-read girl on the block.”

“Shut uppp,” you grin back, leaning over so that you are flopped more comfortably facing her.

 

She looks into your eyes, softening slightly to lean against the back of the bedframe instead of your stomach. She’s serious now, her mouth a flat, thin line.

“Really, though. Are you okay?”

 You hesitate, biting your lip for what feels like an inordinate amount of time, and then nod slightly.

“Yes.”

She knows you mean it.

 

“I wish we could tell people, too. It’s fucking stupid,” she says, hard emotion soaking into it. The sentiment is real.

You nod, slow and careful. You want to be openly in love with her more than you can express even with your fancy words and linguistic bullshit. More than you’d admit, maybe more than you even know.

 But right now you are here with Jade, and you are going to seize every moment together you can get. All of the moments. All of them.

 “It’s alright, Jade. We’re good.”

“We’re good,” she agrees.

“I love you,” you profess and the way she says is back is perfect.

Jade is brilliant, funny and sweet but tough as nails and good in a crisis. It does not hurt that you think she is the most beautiful girl ever.

You feel, quite honestly, blessed.

 You drape your hands around her neck, leaning forward, and kiss her gently. She smiles into your lips, drawing closer.

“Mmmm,” she mutters, a noise and not a word.

 Sometimes it just feels false, the status of your couplehood. When you’re with her in public and you’re read as platonic friends, even if it’s safer, it still hurts. Are you not really a couple? Should you be treating her differently?

And then: are you too much like a couple? Should you be acting more friendly?

 You just love her. And it does feel claustrophobic, forced into this box of lies. But it is for the best possible reason – Jade is the best possible reason for everything (and you have always liked small spaces). You’re more and more comfortable with the idea of being in the closet with her.

 

The metaphorical one, that is.

Although…. 

Hehe.


End file.
